Category Archives: Uncategorized

Best Advice: Use soap.

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photo (30)Whenever I do these interviews with the boys, I am always struck by how their individual personalities are so evident in their answers.  The oldest is more reflective and thinks about each question before giving his answer.  The middle answers immediately after hearing the question, rarely thinking about his answer and when nothing comes to him, he says pass with such authority that I can’t help but fire the next question.  The youngest (2.5 yrs) was more interested in pounding on the keyboard than giving thought-provoking, sensitive responses.  Go figure.

What is the most important thing about being a brother?

-        To take care of your little brother.  (5 yr old)

-        To be nice to each other. (6 yr old)

What is the hardest thing about being a brother?

-        Making sure that your little brother doesn’t run away from your mom. (5 yr old)

-        Taking care of every body. (6 yr old)

What is the best thing about being a brother?

-        Playing with each other. (5 yr old)

-        I like playing with them a lot. (6 yr old)

What’s the best thing your brother(s) taught you?

-        Pass. (5 yr old)

-        How to do a flip on the hanging ropes and how to do a motor mouth. (6 yr old)

How are you like your brother(s)?

-        We like the same games. (5 yr old)

-        We have the same shirts. (6 yr old)

How are you different?

-        We like different games. (5 yr old) (Apparently “games” are quite defining!)

-        One of us has brown eyes and the two of us have blue eyes.

What is the most annoying thing about your brother(s)?

-        The little one bugs me when I am playing with my Lego and breaks it. (5 yr old) (A significant source of stress in our household!)

-        When he fights with me. (6 yr old).

What is the best advice your brother(s) gave you?

-        Use soap. (5 yr old) (Words to live by!)

What is your favourite thing to do with your brother(s)?

- Play outside with them. (5 yr old)

- Play on the ropes with them. (6 yr old)

What is one of your favourite memories of your brother(s)?

-        Pass. (5 yr old)

-        I like going on rides with him and having sleep-overs with him. (6 yr old)

What advice would you give to someone who is about to become a brother?

-        That you are going to be a big brother. (5 yr old) (Obviously!)

-        It takes a lot to care for a brother. (6 yr old)

Why It Takes So Long

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045I often wonder why it takes so long.  Why can’t I make that telephone call, or pay that bill, or sweep up that mess?  Like almost all other mothers I know (and no doubt the people around them), I wonder about this.

I’ve been busier than usual lately, throwing a lot of heart and soul into a fundraising effort to create an outdoor classroom for my kids’ school (thank you so much for the support yesterday – we raised 15% of our goal in less than 24 hours, and due to an internal delay, we haven’t even promoted it within the school yet!  The campaign runs for 40 days, if you want to check back in).

It means things are backed up here.  No less than all of the speaking members in my family asked me if there are any clothes to wear?  (They’ll be directed to a hill (unfolded clean laundry) and a mountain (dirty laundry) downstairs in the laundry area.)  I also haven’t been cooking much, and because we don’t buy much prepared food, not cooking is a problem because it leads to not eating.

So this morning I thought I would make yogurt.  Halfway through the process I decided to jot down notes, in a research mode, to record how it went.  Here they are:

- Look for pot to boil the milk.

-  Reach for the right pot and see blackened inch of food burnt on its base.  Remember that the night before, I tried to make a bean soup for my son’s school lunch and for general eating, but was working on the fundraising campaign and forgot about it until the burnt smell reached me upstairs.

- Try to scrape burnt food out of the pot.  Am unsuccessful.  Attract my four-year old, who tries to help.  Leave him working on pot to check computer upstairs about how to clean pot with vinegar and baking soda.

- Come back downstairs to find husband scolding son because bits of burnt residue was falling out of the pot and on floor.  Advocate (a.k.a. argue with husband)  on behalf of son.

- Put one cup of water plus one cup of vinegar in pot.  Place on stove to boil as instructed by recipe.

- Return to idea of making yogurt.  Look for another pot.  Find all pots in use.

- Decide on next best pot candidate, which is full of the oatmeal I made for breakfast.  Search for re-usable container to store oatmeal, but none in  cupboard or sink.

- Open the dishwasher to look for container.  See that dishwasher was not run the night before.  Notice food debris on door and bottom of dishwasher.  Remember that dishwasher repairman warned us such debris would burn out dishwasher engine again if we didn’t properly scrape.  Regret silently that husband does not properly scrape dishes.  Clear out food debris from dishwasher while baby toddles to cupboard under sink to get dishwashing detergent.  Negotiate with him to put it back.

- Recall that I am trying to make yogurt.  Look for pot, see that it is still full of oatmeal.  Resume search for re-usable container.  Look again in cupboard and sink where there are still no containers.

- Open fridge to find possible container candidate in fridge.  Find one containing miso noodle soup and transfer it to bowl.  Wash container.

- Hear screams from porch where child is playing UNO with his dad.  Provide comfort and guidance.

- Re-enter house, where baby is urgently calling for bowl of miso soup.  Lift him into high chair, and feed him all of the soup.

- Check burnt pot which has been simmering on the stove.  Remove from stove.  Scrape burnt food easily off of bottom, without even adding baking soda as directed by recipe.   Delight in my domestic prowess, and show pot to son.  Look at me!

- Remember that I am trying to make yogurt.

My notes end there.  But when I recall the day, a few facts stand out, like after my husband left for work mid-morning, I was on my own for almost 12 hours with one to three children in tow, plus the baby inexplicably (and painfully) did not take a proper nap.  I fell asleep putting the kids to sleep, and when I woke up, I cleaned up the kitchen and living areas (passably, not well).  The laundry is still in two heaps in the basement, the only difference that the mountain of dirty clothes would be bigger if had I the time or energy to pick up the dirty clothes on the floor.  Combined with my notes from the morning, it does give insight into why it takes so long, no?

Also:  I feel victorious to tell you that at 11:50pm, when all was quiet, I did make the yogurt.  We’ll have it for breakfast.

Yup, I am Old: 5 Signs You Know That You Are The “Mom” in Miami

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GetAttachmentI just got back from a much needed mommy-weekend get-away to Miami.  As a stay-at-home mom, I chose to look at this as a “work conference” rather than a desperate attempt to finally pee in privacy.  We sat around the pool and chatted about our kids, struggles we are working through, and parenting strategies.  That covers off the conference part of the trip.

We also discussed very important topics such as classic printed fabrics like Pucci and Pulitzer, taming frizzy hair, the perfect white jeans and miracle face creams.

Add some sun, sand and delicious food, and it can only be described as glorious.  A much need respite from the every day.

However I did learn no matter how far I travel, that I can take the girl out of the mothering but I can’t take the mothering out of the girl.

Here are 5 reasons how I know that I am the Mom in Miami:

1:  I want to ask every other girl if she is aware that she has walked out of the house without her pants.
2:  Instead of coveting the sky-high heels worn by 20-something wanna-be reality starlets, I am tsking them.  Do they know the damage that they are causing to their backs?  Don’t get me started on cramped toe-boxes.  Say hello to bunions in ten years time.
3:  I care less about the alcohol percentage of a drink than I do of the SPF level of my sunscreen.
4:  I much prefer to enjoy my cocktails poolside in the afternoon than at the club where the clocks tick past midnight.  When I am awake at 1 am, I am usually cleaning vomit from bedsheets.
5:  I notice the squishy, doughy thighs of a toddler cruising the beach with her bathing suit tucked up her bum before the rippled, muscle chest of the GQ model jogging on the sand.

 

 

The Morning Message

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Mornings are notoriously hectic for most families.  Parents are rushing out the door to work, children are being shuffled to school and there is a general sense of urgency for most of us.  I say most of us, because I know that there are some families who have found a way to find calm in the midst of the morning rush.

We are not that family.  Breakfast is like a short order diner.  Clothing peppers the counters and back-packs lay on the floor in various states of packed.

The boys have a lot of jobs to do in the morning.  Before they come the stairs they must complete T.B.C.

T=  teeth (brush them!)

B = bed (make it!)

C = clothes (put them on!)

While their father and I whip up breakfast, the older two unload the dishwasher and are generally underfoot until one of us, shoos them to the table and out of our way.

In an effort to mitigate some of the morning madness, I write the boys a morning message.  The message is off to the side, so they are out of the way of the kitchen but close by so that I can listen with one ear as they read.

The message has proven successful.  The boys stay out of the kitchen and occupied while learning about the goings-on of the day.  A draw-back is that it is yet another thing to check off the list before you head upstairs to bed at night, but I see the boys developing their independence and confidence so consider it worth it.  It may take a reminder here and there but I have absolved myself from prepping for their activities.

A few of my friends do this with dry-erase boards or old-fashioned paper and pen but I like to do mine on the computer.  Either way, the kids find it empowering (and they get to practice their reading!) and organize themselves for the rest of the day.

Here’s an example of the morning message:

Good Morning, Boys!

Today is Tuesday, March 3.

The weather is calling for rain.  What will you wear to school?

David, today you have a lunch date with your friend Brian.  After school is your art class.  I wonder what you will make today?

Kyle, after lunch your friend Miller is coming over to play.  What do you have planned?  After dinner you have swimming lessons.  Make sure your bag is packed.

Today is garbage day, so don’t forget to bring in the bins!

Have a great day.

I love you!

Mom

 

Do you write a morning message?  How do you cope with the morning hustle and bustle? 

 

10 Things I Miss about My Life Pre-Kids by Corinne Simonyi

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I wouldn’t trade my life as a stay-at-home mom to Hugo, 4, and Anna, 2, for anything. But occasionally I am wistful for the halcyon days when time with my husband didn’t require a “date night,” and doorknobs weren’t coated in a sticky film. Herewith, 10 of the things I pine for most:

 

  1. Sleeping through the night. Sleeping in on weekends.

2.  Going to the bathroom without an audience.

3.  Speaking on the phone without a (very loud) audience. Not having to preface every call I make with, “Sometimes mommies need to talk on the phone. If you can’t be quiet while I’m on the phone, I’m going to have to go upstairs to make this call.”

4.  Cooking dinner without two “sous-chefs”—and with the full use of both my arms.

5.  Restaurant meals that don’t begin with stern warnings to my dinner companions that, “If you shout, run around, or throw food, we’re going straight home!”

6.  Air travel being a few hours to zone out and watch movies, rather than never-ending, torturous confinement with sticky, squirrely savages (and I don’t just mean the other passengers).

7.  Control over my tears during sad movies/sad songs/sad news reels/questionably sad commercials.

8.  Shopping for myself without the use of a mouse. Grocery store trips that don’t dissolve into chaos, and end with me convincing myself that Grocery Gateway isn’t that much more expensive.

9.  A reliable bladder.

10.   A time when threats and bribes were the stuff of gangster films, rather than my fallback parenting techniques!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Ten Things?!?

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10.  Getting dressed alone.

9.  Watching the news without my heart quickening.

8.  Allowing myself to get “sucked” into a moment without worrying about “the schedule.”

7.  Being completely naive to other people’s pee, poop, lumps, bumps, snot, phlegm and bizarre rashes.

6.   Spending less than 3-digits at the grocery store when I just run in for milk.

5.  Not having to coordinate a closet/toy room purge with weekly garbage pick up.

4.  Sleeping past 6 am, past 7 am, actually just, sleeping.

3.  Absolute quiet.

2.  Getting through a meal without the spill of a drink, a fall from a chair, or a good ol’ fashioned whine about the “things on the rice.”

1.  Walking on my kitchen floor barefooted without collecting enough crumbs to feed a small family, regardless of how many times I have swept the floor that day.

Best of the Blogosphere

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Earth Day will be celebrated on April 22 and Kitchen Counter Chronicles recently blogged the ABC’s of Raising Eco-Friendly Kids.  As parents isn’t it our duty to leave our planet in better shape for our children and grandchildren?  What better way than to instill strong eco-values in our kids at an early age.

Thirteen year-old Gregory received an iPhone for Christmas.  His mother Janell Burley Hofmann gifted that phone along with this contract of use.  Janell offers her son words of wisdom along with terms and conditions, such as never take pictures of your private parts (that will come back to haunt you) and never text/email anything you wouldn’t say to that person’s face.  I am book-marking this for the future!

My days wouldn’t be complete without reading Yoonanimous.  Whether it’s her hilarious telling of ski day with her kids or the lack of romance between her and her husband, Yoonanimous is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.  Her recent trip to Vegas with her kids had me firmly believing that she and I are living parallel lives on the opposite sides of the continent.

Nathalie sent me 100 Ways to be Kind to your Child by Creative with Kids and it serves as a touching reminder that connecting with our children is the most important job that we have as parents.  Kindness can get side-lined when tired gives way to irritability and incessant whining takes it toll but listening to that long-winded explanation of my this Ninjago guy is better than that Ninjago guy, shows that you care.  I printed off the list and keep it at my bedside to remind myself to slow down and be more present.  Numbers 90, 91 and 92 should be my mantra.

Because it’s Friday and because it’s snowing here (yes, still!), let’s end the week off with a laugh.  Check out the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.  What’s so funny, you ask?  Read the reviews!

 

Real-Life Love Stories

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imgres-1Movies.  Movie fall into the category of Things I Enjoyed Pre-Kids.  Deciding to see a movie requires PhD research-skills.  My husband or I will scour the Internet for reviews, check Rotten Tomatoes and ask our few friends, who still watch movies, for their opinion before committing 2+ hours of our life to watching a story unfold that most often leaves one of us asleep on the couch before the ending credits roll.  It’s not that we don’t like to watch movies it’s just that we don’t like to watch bad movies.

When the idea of love stories played out on film was first suggested as the theme for 4Mothers this week, my favourite movie titles from yesteryear flooded my brain.

An Affair to Remember.  Casablanca.  Breakfast At Tiffany’s.  Ghost.  Atonement. Two for Road.  Pretty Woman.  The Way We Were.  The Bridges of Madison County. 

I mentally sifted through all of the love stories that are etched in my memory and came to this conclusion.

I am one pathetic case.

Rom-coms, anything with Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson or Katherine Heigl – I will take a pass.  The overwhelming stench of aged Emmental oozing from the television set every time one of these films is playing doesn’t do it for me.  I can’t bear the formulaic storylines:

a)    Goofy, geeky, clumsy girl crushes hard on the devilishly handsome, misunderstood boy. Boy goes on to coax said girl from her wallflower exterior only to reveal a sassy, witty, knock-out who can pound back beer with the boys and has the moves like Jagger in the bedroom.

OR

b)   Boy and girl play cat-and-mouse for 90 minutes with several gaffes, misunderstood text messages and “not-what-it-looks-like” moments.  Throw in a makeover scene and an all-knowing best friend and you have pretty much every movie Kate Hudson has ever made.

Romantic comedies don’t just make my eyes ache from excessive rolling, but I find my mind wanders from the “complexities” of the plot and I mutter “puh-lease” more times in two hours than I did when I watched the Lance Armstrong/Oprah interview.

Who rolls over and plants a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on someone first thing in the morning?   Puh-lease, morning breath!

Who goes to bed with a full-face of make-up and wakes up looking more beautiful then when they went to bed?  Puh-lease, bright washrooms lighting first thing in the morning is no girl’s friend!

And what about the dialogue?  Who talks like that?  Are couples all around the country having saccharine soaked exchanges all day along?  Are my husband and I the only ones who barely have a second to chat and when we do there is definitely some talk about how many bags of milk are in the fridge.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” (Says Jennifer to Oliver in Love Story).

Well Jennifer, I am not exactly sure where you came up with this little ditty, but I can think of plenty of times when an “I am sorry” is just the start of the road to forgiveness.

“After all I do for you, you didn’t even have the courtesy to get me a birthday card?” says a wife to her husband.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” says the husband to the wife.

Try it.  See how well it goes over.

As much as I don’t enjoy overly romantic comedies, I have to admit to a long-standing love affair with Dirty Dancing.  Yes, it has cheesy dialogue (“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”) and the story line is predictable but the chemistry between Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey is palpable.   imgres-1

Women around the world, put down your 50 Shades of Grey and pick up your remote, because there is no hotter sex scene on-screen than the one between Johnny and Baby when she comes to his cabin in the dark of night.  There is no nudity or vulgar suggestion (Sharon Stone, I am looking at you) but the sexual tension between the two, with Otis Redding playing in the background, will make anyone’s pulse race.

Just like Mac ‘n cheese, and peanut butter and chocolate, there is something inherently feel good about the movie Dirty Dancing but when asked to pick my favourite love story, it doesn’t measure up.

I like my love stories to be real.

Canadian filmmaker Sarah Polley adapted Alice Munro’s short story The Bear Came Over the Mountain for her 2006 movie with an all-star cast, Away From Her.

Grant and Fiona have been married for 44 loving and happy years, but a marriage that has endured for more than 4 decades is bound to have its scars.  Grant’s brief infidelity years before haunts Fiona who has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.  Grant, broken by her deterioration stays by his wife’s side as the disease slowly steals from her every shred of dignity.

And this is why I am pathetic.

imgresIn a world filled with make-believe romances where the boy always gets the girl, I am drawn to these harrowing, real-life love stories.

Fiona with her matted hair and mismatched clothes wanders aimlessly from room to room in the nursing home she is confined to, but it’s Grant’s unwavering love for his wife that stirs every emotion in me.  Just like my grandmother did, Grant desperately tries to hold onto any part of his beloved…a look, a smile, the way the body moves.

Love that spans decades, overcomes hardships and heartaches, is the real deal.

There is no soundtrack to that kind of love.

My mother-in-law refused to see the film.

“When you get to my age, that kind of stuff is lurking around the corner.  I don’t want to see my reality played out for me prematurely.”

I see her point.  Sometimes a little saccharine is good.

And that is why my all-time favourite on-film love story is When Harry Met Sally.

““I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

- Harry (Billy Crystal) to Sally (Meg Ryan)

The perfect mix of candy-coated sweetness and reality.

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images (in order from top to bottom):  womanatics.com, entertainment.time.com, movies.tvguide.com, brightwalldarkroom.com

Brothers

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Last week Me and Meg, a fellow Savvy Storyteller, posted this inspiring video about brothers.  I showed it to my boys and afterward we had a long talk about brothers and treating others with dignity and respect.

It made my heart swell when I overheard the 4 and 6 year-olds talking about how special it is to be brothers . . . for about 10 minutes before they were back to their incessant bickering.

I will take what I can get.

I just hope that they grow up to be a fabulous three-some.  The best of friends.

Accepting It

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This year I have decided not to make any resolutions because I resolved a few months ago to accept who I am.

I am not going to be 5 pounds thinner, or learn to cook complex meals, I am not going to stop muttering obscenities under my breath when I get blocked in by the garbage truck, or raging in my head when it takes the boys more than 15 minutes to get their winter coats on.

I am not going to like eating broccoli because it is good for me, or squeeze more time out of an already over-scheduled day to commit to a regular morning yoga practice.  I am not going to start clipping coupons to save a few dollars or stop fastidiously making my bed every morning to create time for more meaningful things.

I am not going to stop picking at my nails or obsessing about the wrinkle on my forehead that seems to be spawning miniature versions of itself at the corner of my eyes.

What I am going to do is try to give myself a break.  I excel at nitpicking my flaws.  I know this. I don’t need a turn of the calendar to remind me to self-reflect.

I am not about to hunker down with a bag of Oreos, unleash a string of profanity and call it a day, but I am going to give myself permission to be myself.

Damaged cuticles, restaurant take-away, wrinkle cream and all.