Category Archives: Just For Her

Book Review: Unbridled: a memoir by Barbara McNally

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imgresA copy of Unbridled was sent to 4Mothers a few months back.  The jacket synopsis intrigued me but between the daily chaos of life and a pile of delicious books waiting to be devoured on my night table, Unbridled sat unread.

When packing for my mom conference in Miami, I opted to leave behind the meaty read that I had just started in favour of something lighter and easy to entertain while sunning on the beach.  Unbridled seemed like the perfect choice: betrayal, divorce, sexual awakening, feminist liberation . . .and it’s just over 200 pages.  Perfect for the lazy days ahead.

Barbara McNally was raised with a strict Baptist upbringing and spent her youth engaged in church activities and living a demure life according to her parents’ religious views.  As a young co-ed she met the man of her mother’s dreams and blinded by other people’s expectations she lost herself in a seemingly perfect marriage.  Many years pass and Barbara is unable to squelch her feelings of restlessness and seeks salvation in the arms of another man.

After her divorce Barbara finds herself truly alone for the first time in her life.  No longer under the rule of her father or husband, she is forced to create a life of her own.   Inspired by the memory of her ebullient, free-spirited, Vaudevillian grandmother, Barbara sets off on a wistful journey of self-discovery where she returns to her ancestral roots in Ireland and later to a hedonistic retreat in Jamaica.  In both countries she opens herself to experiences that profoundly change her idea of self.  Finally she is able to shed the expectations of others, push aside the notion of perfection and embrace life’s lessons in the most poignant situations.

Barbara awakened her passion and is now dedicated to empowering women and encouraging others to forge their own life path and create their own destiny.

McNally’s writing is rich with vivid descriptions making the Irish countryside and sun-soaked Jamaica come alive off the page.   Her writing is at times heart-breakingly honest as she bares herself entirely, exposing her nastiness, fragility and ambiguity at the risk of offending her readers but her transparency is genuine and engaged this reader’s encouragement.  Nonetheless there are moments, albeit few, where I wished the author had not been so cursory in describing seemingly intense events, in particular when she learns her father’s rectitude is nothing but a sham.

Unbridled has a familiar tone and message to Eat, Pray, Love  by Elizabeth Gilbert but Barbara McNally’s journey is filled with less navel-gazing and searching for love than her struggle to connect with and liberate herself.  As someone in a fulfilling relationship who has never been divorced, I was skeptical as to whether Barbara’s memoir would keep my attention but the message of her tome is universal: live life fearlessly, embrace experiences as they come and re-connect with your roots to better understand your present.  Husband or no husband, kids or no kids this is a book about being a woman and nurturing the beauty that lies within.

10 Things I Miss About Life Before Kids (Or Maybe Nine)

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10.  My breasts.  Victoria Secret would never have come knocking, but I liked them.

9.  Jumping on trampolines.  Okay, I never did that much of this, but I miss taking for granted that my internal machinery could handle this.  I tried joining my son on a trampoline after having two kids, and it was not. a. good. idea.

8.  Saying “Sure, I’d love to go for a drink after work.”  The unbridled freedom of it.

7.  Actually drinking said drink.  I’m on a self-imposed abstinence from alcohol while pregnant and nursing, which means I have been bone dry for five years.  Want to come over and watch me crawl under the table after my first two post-children glasses of wine?

6.  The invisible protective layer that Nathalie once commented about.  The one that made it possible to listen to the news and country songs with a dry eye.

5.  Sleep, and being the boss over my sleep, even if I got too little.  Almost too obvious to mention, but too mammoth not to.

4.  Not being a primary role model to anyone.  Related:  being able to swear without essentially offering a “how to” tutorial to little ears.

3.  Seeing half an hour as 30 minutes, rather than as a significant opportunity.

2.  Looking at random children, without feeling somehow invested in each one.

1.  Not so very much, if I am honest.  Life before kids wasn’t such a cakewalk as I recall, it just had other challenges.  And being a mother (provided I am not on my knees begging for mercy) is the best gig in town.

10 Things We Miss About Life Before Kids

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Self-explanatory, isn’t it, that title?  This theme has been peppering the blogosphere lately, and we thought we’d join the online party.

At 4Mothers, we write pretty much all the time about our kids.  This week, we thought we’d write about ourselves before our kids (although perversely, how we can’t even do this without the whole discussion being  informed by our post-children selves…).

What do you miss about your fancy-free non-parent self?  Tell us this week as you hear us tell you.

4Mothers is also delighted to announce that this month’s guest writer is Corinne Simonyi, a Toronto mother of two young children.  Corinne has years of experience writing for many of Toronto’s foremost publications including Neighbour From Hell! that was published in 2Life magazine.

Common Scents

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PHOTO-402-GROUP-WEBI once watched a design show in which the host commented to the designer that the front door handle she was suggesting was shockingly expensive.  The designer replied unapologetically, “It’s something you will touch everyday.  This is where to spend the money.”

I’ve never forgotten that: it’s something you will touch every day.  It seems such remarkably simple advice about luxury.

On my recent trip to New York, I took myself off for an afternoon of the height of luxury: a visit to Christopher Brosius’s I Hate Perfume Gallery.  His perfumes have become an obsession of mine, and I could not wait to experience all of his fragrances.

I discovered  C B I Hate Perfume when, quite by chance, I found myself in the only store in Toronto that stocks his perfumes.  He makes a fragrance called In the Library, and I was beside myself with excitement to try it on.  The smell of a library, bottled?  Bring it on!  As it turned out, I did not like it, or it did not like me, but two of the scents that make up this amazing idea are Smoky Tobacco and Old Leather, sold individually.  Those I fell in love with, and I wore Smoky Tobacco and Old Leather while reading Sherlock Holmes and felt myself transported.  It was winter, and curling up with a classic mystery and the smell redolent of a gentleman’s library were absolutely the most luxurious experience for my harried pre-Christmas soul.   I would have similar experiences with Grass in summer (the smell of a freshly-mowed lawn–you wouldn’t think it would work on the skin, but it does, oh it does!), and Burning Leaves in fall.

I came home from New York with a fragrance for spring: Black March, which smells of soaked earth, rain, wet twigs, and the hint of something floral.  It’s nothing short of magic how this man has captured the world in a bottle of perfume, and then made it something wearable, and I revel in his wizardry.  Almost as wonderful as the fragrances are the stories behind them.  (Follow the links to the perfumes and read about what goes into bottling a memory.  Greenbriar is a biography of his grandfather in perfume.  Stunning.)

These are my daily, seasonal luxuries:  common scents from the world outside that I can bring inside and onto me and that have an unfailing ability to lift my spirits.  Every day.

Letters to a Mother

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We’ve just come out of Mother’s Day, but 4Mothers we haven’t gotten enough.  Mothers and mothering are still on our minds, and this week we’ll each be writing a letter to a mother – not necessarily our own mother, but a mother of some kind.  We don’t consult each other prior to writing our posts, so I’m quite curious to see who these letters will be written to and what they will say.  Stay tuned and find out!

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Blogosphere Round-Up!

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We here at 4mothers1blog like blogs. We like other people’s blogs just about as much as we like our own, which is to say, a whole lot. Here are five posts we think you should be reading:

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“God, I love it when your breath smells like Gaviscon” — Porn for Pregnant Ladies (from Pregnant Chicken)

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“I get to wear those?!” C.J. said smiling.
“Yup.”
“ALL OF THEM?!” he squealed looking at the tub of about 100 pink lost and found ballet shoes.
“No, silly, just two, you only have two feet.” – “My Son, the Dancer” (from Raising My Rainbow)

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This post is a couple of years old now, but it about sums it up. Ten Things I Hate About Motherhood (And One That I Love) (from Her Bad Mother)

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The Hidden Mother — a practice in photography of old. To ensure that a young child didn’t move during the long exposure, the mother held the child tightly; all the while, she was hidden by a blanket, not being the obvious subject of the photo. Worth a look ( via A Cup of Jo and Retronaut)

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And because it’s a new year: well, hello!

Hello from ant1mat3rie on Vimeo.

What is a Weekend?

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In the first season of Downton Abbey, the Dowager Countess famously asked, “What is a weekend?”

The weekend, dear lady, is over, but thank you for sending it out in such magnificent style.  It is so much easier to face the lunch boxes when I’ve had a dose of the upstairs downstairs drama. 

And when I face the lunch boxes in the morning, I can just ask, “What would Mrs. Patmore do?”

Why Should Kids Have All The Parties?

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A few months ago, my book club selected The Paris Wife by Paula Mclain to be our next reviewed book.  I had offered to host the discussion at my house and forgo the usual restaurant location.

Originally, I had planned to defrost a few appetizers and uncork some wine.  This has always worked well in the past.  But after finishing the book I was inspired to try something a bit different.

In keeping with the theme of the book (Ernest Hemingway’s life in jazz-aged Paris), I thought it would be fun to send out invitations the old fashioned way – snail mail.  After popping into the local stationery shop, I was encouraged by the owner to experiment and make my own 1920’s Parisian invites.

I am not very crafty so the idea was a bit daunting but after concluding that I could use a glue stick and scissors, I gave it a go.

I printed the invites using a Paris-themed font that I downloaded from the Internet and affixed a black ribbon to each card.  After addressing them with French-flare, I mailed them out to the women in my book club.

THE PARIS WIFE

In the 1920’s Paris was the place to be,

If your name was Gertrude, Zelda or

Hadley.

The booze did flow and tempers got wild,

And the women were anything but meek and mild.

He was the cat’s meow, that Hemingway,

But about his antics I bet you’ve a lot to say.

Throw on some pearls, put a feather in your hair,

Channel your inner flapper, and that is a dare.

Come for drinks and food to XXX Avenue

To talk about the Ernest you thought that you knew.

- – - – - – -

Thursday June 2, 7:00 p.m.

Tarot card readings from 7:30 pm.

Lots of food and drinks*

*(Just don’t tell those temperance fools)

My husband questioned why I was putting so much time and effort into inviting my friends for book club when I could easily send an email in a matter of minutes.

The answer is simple. Many of us moms (and dads too) spend so much time, energy and money too, creating experiences for our kids.  Memorable birthday parties and graduations, and even end of session soccer soirees are among the events we host for our kids.  When it comes to us, we often pass on festivities for practicality and ease.

This time I decided to reward my friends, making it a night for us and myself.  Something beyond the trip to the local watering hole for pinot noir and firecracker shrimp.

When my friends arrived they were treated to “champagne” and cassis – the drink featured throughout the novel, a feast of French-inspired food and tarot card readings.

The response from my friends was heart-warming as most everyone remarked how fun it was to receive an invitation in the mail setting the tone for our special evening the minute those envelops were opened.

Do you ever feel like you place more importance on your kid’s activities as you do your own?  How do you overcome such feelings?

photo credit: http://www.letstalkvintage.blogspot.com

 

Because Sometimes Mama Needs The Remote(s)!

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Recently we were at a dinner party and after a few drinks the hosts asked us to play Top Ten.  The hostess would throw out a topic and we’d have to negotiate who or what was worthy of a top ten spot.  For instance, top ten bands who revolutionized music, top ten indulgent foods, top ten starlets, etc.

So here I sit, on my perfectly worn leather couch, a mini-drumstick wrapper on the floor and the kids fast asleep, watching a movie.  Since my husband is working late, I have free-run of the remotes and I intend to make the most of the situation and choose something that I know would only induce an eyeball roll from him.

Since I live in a house with all males, sometimes I need to indulge the ultra-feminine in me and so I present to you my ultimate Top Ten Girlie Movie List.

10 – Cinderella

Yes, it perpetuates stereotypes.  Yes, I know that most feminists around the world cringe to hear the name.  Yes, I know that I am not going to marry Prince Charming (damn you, Kate Middleton).  But come on!  How good does it feel to see Cinderella fade into happily-ever-after while those ugly stepsisters are left in her dust?  Ooooh, snap!

9 – The Graduate

Like fine wine, I am growing to appreciate Mrs. Robinson the older that I get.  Mostly, because I can only pray to look that good when I am her age.  Not to mention leopard print trench, black stilettos, and martinis, martinis, martinis!

8 – An Affair to Remember

What a classic romantic tale.  Two social climbing moochers meet on a ship while vacationing with their partners.  The clandestine lovers agree to meet once they have ended their relationships (and collected some coin to build a life together) when back on solid ground.  They plan to meet at the top of the Empire State Building but sadly a New York City taxi hits her en route to meet him. Their plans fall by the wayside, until the old granny’s spirit, in the form of a hideous painting, brings them back together.  Okay, so maybe not so classic a tale but it definitely gets points for creativity!

7  – Annie Hall

This is on my list because I am married to my own “Alvy”.

6 – Any movie ever made by Audrey Hepburn

Two For The Road should be mandatory viewing for all couples.

5 –The Way We Were

The chemistry between Redford and Streisand is palpable.  The way she caresses his cheek and brushes the hair from his brow with those red nails.  If you don’t shed a tear watching this movie, you have a heart of stone.

4 – The Sound of Music

This movie is a home remedy for curing excessive crabbiness.  It’s impossible to watch Julie Andrews frolicking down tree-lined Salzburg streets and not feel like singing along.

3 – When Harry Met Sally

The clips where the older couples talk about how they met and married are priceless.  I particularly enjoy the one where they re-met at Jerry Calicki’s funeral.  I also love that Sally never tells Harry that she loves him, even after Harry professes his love for her, Sally says:  “I hate you, Harry.  I really hate you.”

2 – Pretty Woman

Basically, Cinderella for grown-ups, but the fashion montage makes me smile into my bowl of ice cream every time.

1 – Dirty Dancing

It’s my all time favourite movie!  I can recite every single line.  Every. Single. Line.

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

“ We are supposed to do the show in two days.  You won’t show me lifts, I am not sure of turns.  I am doing all of this to save your ass!  What I really want to do is drop you on it!”

“You wouldn’t care if I humped the entire army, as long as they were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh trail.”

“I carried a watermelon!?”

“But most of all, I am afraid of walking out of this room and never feeling again, the rest of my whole life, the way I do when I am with you.”

Let’s not forget the soundtrack!  It was one of my first cassette tapes and I played it on my walk-man until every lyric and a love for Otis Redding and Carol King was burned onto my brain.

And I won’t even go into all of the hours spent dancing with friends in front of the T.V. with the V.C.R. rewinding and fast forwarding until we felt worthy enough to perform at The Sheldrake.

But the dancing and music aside, is there a hotter sex scene than the one between Baby and Johnny when she comes to his cabin after their dance performance?  Whoa!

Agree with the list?  Any glaring omissions? 

Thank you for the photo credits:

www.disneyprincesspictures.net

www.moviemobsters.com

www.listzblog.com

www.postcardsfromthepp.blogspot.com

www.adrianzupp.blogspot.com

www.marinabaysingapore.net

www.bettesmovieblog.blogspot.com

www.anybodythere.net

www.somuchtofallinlovewith.blogspot.com

www.orlandonewscenter.com

Orange Blush

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Really, Fashion?  This is an April Fool’s joke, right?  Are you really going to do this to another generation of girls?  There are few things from my youth that I regret more than the stripes of orange blush on my teenaged cheeks.  Bring back the Flashdance wardrobe, bring back the legwarmers, but oh, please, Fashion, do not bring back the orange blush.

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