I like dress codes and uniforms aren’t so bad either. The thing with dress codes is that they teach our children about real life. I feel confident that you could never go to work at a bank wearing a crop … Continue reading
School is back in full-swing and with it come the debates. There always seems to be so much to debate when it comes to our children and their education, and this week we’re talking all things dress codes and uniforms. … Continue reading
I wish that I had more “parenting hacks” to share with you; the truth is that most days I feel like I muddling along like everyone else but I have had the good fortune of receiving lots of support with my boys from family, friends and their pre-school. The boys attended an Adlerian pre-school where much emphasis is placed on feeling connected and part of a team. The teachers are a priceless resource, offering much advice that is much appreciated.
I had mentioned years ago that I found it challenging to get my boys to talk about their days at school. Their one-word answers were a stark contrast to the endless blather their little girl friends would unload while we walked home together. As much as I tried to get them to open up, they kept their responses short. I tried every trick Facebook recommended but still, not much more than a grunt or a “good”.
Then a teacher suggested that I try the Thumbs Up approach.
On the way home from school I ask the boys for their “thumbs up” moment of the day, followed by their “thumbs in the middle” and “thumbs down”. This simple engagement lends itself to meaningful conversations and insight into their day. I discover what was the highlight of their day and what may be weighing them down. I learn who they’ve played with, topics they are covering in school and sources of anxiety, stress or sadness.
They’ve responded so well to this technique that they ask me to give my thumbs up moment too!
It’s a simple thing, but it’s worked wonders at opening the lines of communication.
We get it. Life is busy. Everyone knows it and everyone is trying to manage it. This week we are bringing you our favourite simple, time-savers and sanity soothers. Let us know what you’re really doing to keep the wheels on. No judgment here, just real and honest parenting-hacks that make life a bit easier and free up time for what really matters to you.
Spending time together as a family can be a daunting task. Between activities, commitments and crabby attitudes, it’s tough to find the time (or in some cases the want) to spend together.
I know that it may seem painfully Rockwell-esque but getting outdoors has proven to the recipe for success for my family. Without the confines of space, everyone has room to breathe (but not on each other) and stare at nature (but not at each other) and we’re less tempted to look at our texts or make phone calls.
Apple picking may not be tops on everyone’s agenda but it’s a pleasant way to spend the day and the spoils can be made into pie, or strudel, or sauce.
If you live in Toronto or are a short drive, Evergreen Brickworks and Todmorden Mills are rich with history as well as greenery. The farmer’s market never disappoints and Cafe Belong makes for a unpretentiously delicious lunch spot.
The Islands. Toronto has them and they are underrated. Go and explore them. Biking, sailing, kayaking, strolling, eating, riding – check!
Three weeks before the university drop-off date, I bumped into a girlfriend, Sue, whose son went off to an out-of-town school last September. She asked me how I was feeling….”Are you ready for drop-off?”
I quickly dove into a confident explanation about how I had my “breakdown” during the university tour process in March. My 18 year old son, Chris, would be completely creeped-out to learn that I would go into his room at night, stand over him, and stare at him until dime-sized teardrops fell onto his face, causing him to stir. Never before in my life had I cried such massive, heavy teardrops. After confidential disclosure to other parents, I discovered that I am not the only mother who has done the creepy-nighttime-bawl-over-your-kid’s-face thing. Chris is an amazing young man and we have always been close, even through the challenging but typical ups and downs of the mid-teen years, because we have always respected one another’s needs. Chris has been a significant source of my personal happiness. I pointed out to Sue that of late, Chris has been very pumped about going off to Queen’s to study his passion, engineering. I also explained how I have taken on a healthy, positive, and upbeat attitude as my feelings of sadness have been completely overshadowed by sheer excitement for Chris. Sue looked back at me, expressionless. After an uncomfortable five seconds of silence and solid eye contact, she leaned over and whispered into my ear, “You’re going to be a disaster”.
Two weeks before drop-off I was sufficiently distracted with “the list”. A pile including bed linens, toiletries and organizer bins was slowly growing in our hallway, looking more and more, as each day passed, like a mountain of disaster relief supplies. I was definitely becoming obsessive about “the list” and panicked at the thought of overlooking something. It was like Chris was heading off to a remote land far away for an entire year, with no money and where there were no stores. I also seemed to be imagining that Chris would be living in a room the size of a gymnasium with ample space to store “necessary” extras such as emergency medical supplies (the Kingston General Hospital is literally steps away from his residence), cold temperature survival gear, a full selection of dried-good food inventory, and of course, the spare, extra-padded desk chair. I was also collecting lists from other moms for comparison. My work paid off as I discovered I had forgotten about zip-lock baggies. (Yes, this is how crazy a peri-menopausal, over-protective, control-freak mom can get when her first is leaving the nest). One day, I found myself in the grocery store, excitedly texting Chris, “I found 3-ply tissues for you…3 ply is the best you can buy…and I searched for ones that come in non-flowery boxes”, to which he replied with the all too-familiar words, “Oh gaaawwwwd, Mom…STOP! ” Yes, I was sufficiently distracted by the list.
One week before drop-off, I began collecting advice from “experienced” university parents. The resounding opinion about drop-off day was, “Have your breakdown in the car…not in front of your child.” I also learned, for whatever reason, that all “newbie” university moms were obsessed with the whole bedding situation (I mean linens…not “bedding” as in the verb…to which I could dedicate an entire separate article covering moms’ concerns). Early Saturday morning, I announced to my husband that our goal for the weekend was to find a good mattress topper for Chris’s bed. “A WHAT?”, he replied, “Are you serious?…I went to university with a duffle bag full of clothes and a blanket…he’s going to get laughed out of the residence” (Fast forward to drop-off day…the garbage bin was full of mattress topper wrappings.) Yes, things had changed in the world of mom-preps-child-for-uni. Chris was nicely set-up with a vinyl-free, non-dust-permeable mattress pad, two sets of organic cotton sheets (500 thread count, no less), a 3” memory-foam mattress topper, down pillows, down comforter (extra-warm), and a duvet cover set. I still don’t quite understand why it was so important for his bed at university to be significantly more comfortable and exquisite than his bed at home…it just had to be. In my mind, this was somehow going to be the substitute for my comfort and care.
Two days before drop-off, I felt remarkably calm and content. Chris gave us our instructions…“Mom, please don’t make a scene. And when we get to my room, just leave everything…I will set it up myself”, to which I replied, “I won’t make a scene, but there is no way I am leaving without making your bed…no negotiation on this, Christopher”. We had a deal.
One day before drop-off, I started to unravel. At precisely 4:00pm, while setting the table for dinner the tears started. I hid from Chris most of that evening and got extra hugs from his younger brother and sister.
On the day of drop-off, the excitement on campus was palpable. Chris’s room was cozy and everything was organized in an hour although he left the zip-lock baggies in the trunk of the car when I wasn’t looking. It was a quick goodbye. I was so excited for what lay ahead of him and gave him a tight squeeze. He pulled my sunglasses down from the top of my head to cover my eyes, for fear of a scene. As I got in the car, the tears flowed. My sister called during our drive home to check on me (an experienced mom who knew the exact moment to offer support), but I couldn’t speak to her. That first night was utterly dreary and depressing. I texted with other newbie moms and they were all upset. I realized that for the first time in 18 years, I would no longer have any idea about what he was doing, when he would make it back to his room to sleep at night, and I no longer had the right to text him as frequently, to ask. It was the strangest feeling – a complete loss of control. I was feeling very sorry for myself, and I already missed him. My husband was very quiet. He asked me not to talk about Chris being gone because he didn’t want to think about it. I’m pretty sure I saw him wipe a tear from his eye before turning over in bed to go to sleep that night. The next day came and went exactly the way experienced moms said it would. I was upset when I woke up, and then I was fine for a bit, and then I would spontaneously cry, and then I was fine. There was simply no pattern or trigger; instead, it was random sobbing and sadness. The only thing I came to expect was that I could burst into tears at any moment.
My world brightened after Chris called for the first time…on day two (I know…it was frosh week and we were lucky). After I heard his voice, full of excitement, and his rambling words highlighted by “amazing”, “unbelievable”, “so much fun”, “party”, “so dope”, “party”…and the clincher “absolutely everyone is so incredibly warm and friendly”, I felt a wave of joy wash over me. My son was happy. I could trade not seeing him for a month or so for that happy, happy voice. And before he hung up, he exclaimed, “oh ya mom…my bed…it’s SO comfortable!”. I knew then, that “drop-off” had gone incredibly well and I would join the ranks of “experienced” moms who survived.
Brandie Weikle, a long-time parenting editor and writer created The New Family to speak to a new generation of parents. The blog is a resource for today’s modern family and the 1,000 Families Project was born from Brandie’s own modern family and is an inspiring collection of stories highlighting the many ways we can be a family.
Today my story is featured on The New Family and I am grateful for the opportunity. Writing this essay allowed me to reflect on my experiences as a mother and how I define motherhood for myself. Thank you Brandie!
I always knew that I wanted to have children, but I didn’t know that I wanted to be a mother until my first son was 5 months old.
I was a child of the eighties and early nineties. Latchkey kids were commonplace; I can’t remember a single mother who wasn’t juggling work with raising a family. A frozen pizza pocket and a reminder note to take the dog for a walk is what greeted most of us after school. The few moms who were not bringing home the bacon were buried deep in text books studying for a Masters degree in nursing, social work or education.
When I learned that I was pregnant for the first time, I was heady, simply thrilled that I was growing a life, a little boy half me and half my husband. While I debated the merits of cloth diapers versus disposable, and formula feeding over breastmilk, I never once doubted my plan to return to teaching the fifth grade just ten months after my son was born.
I had gulped down the Kool-Aid, just as many of my key-wearing friends had done. I consumed every ounce, licked every drip.
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Back-to-school stress sometimes doesn’t allow for many extra hours to devour a good novel and the telly has to do.
Whoever said that women are not funny, is just a complete moron. Amy Schumer proves that she can hold her own in the world of Blockbuster comedies with Trainwreck. I laughed (even though I knew at times it was painfully inappropriate to do so) out loud and many were of the snorting variety. Borderline jokes aside, I think Schumer, along with fellow actors and comediennes, Lena Dunham and Kristen Wiig are refreshing to see onscreen looking unapologetically female: “flaws” and all. (Just an aside . . .it irks me that Amy Schumer’s name is nowhere on the movie poster but instead it says “From the guy who brought you Bridesmaids”)
Technically, I didn’t watch this but I did listen to Amy Poehler read the unabridged version of her best-selling book Yes, Please! I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this. My Fitbit logged serious steps as I pushed myself just one more block so that I could continue to listen to Poehler’s memoirs – often hilarious but always brutally honest. The way she describes wanting to eat her little boys leads me to believe that we’d be best friends if we met. Well, that and her unwavering dedication to raising-up a generation of women to be strong, confident and supportive of each other. She’ll have you saying “good for you, not for me” with gusto!
I just found out about Acorn TV. It’s a subscription-based on-demand British TV streaming, vintage to recent productions, all for $4.99 a month. In other words, I may never need to leave the house again. Agatha Christie’s Tommy and Tuppence are the detecting duo in Partners in Crime, the show I’m most looking forward to seeing this fall. It stars Jessica Raine (Call the Midwife) and David Walliams. As for the vintage, I can highly recommend Helen Mirren in Prime Suspect and the late John Thaw as Inspector Morse. And that’s just the mysteries!
And for some fun with the kids, how about the wild and wacky Doctor Who? I bought the boxed set of the first series of a recent incarnation ages ago, and we finally watched it Labour Day weekend. Middlest, who I knew would love it, somehow got it into his head that it wasn’t for him (thus the long delay in watching the bought boxed set). I insisted he try it, and, sure enough, he was hooked by the end of episode 1. It’s got improbable plots and cheesy visual effects, in keeping with the original series, and I suspect that I will tire of it before he does, but we’re having fun so far!
Set in Sao Paolo, The Second Mother revolves around live-in housekeeper and nanny Val (Regina Case), whose life of loyal service to another family and the social hierarchy it represents, is upset by the arrival of her estranged daughter. The cast does everything it needs to, but the film belongs to Regina Case. Foreign films can seem inaccessible to the casual viewer, but the craft, social precisision, and warmth of The Second Mother is for everyone.
Disclaimer: We did not make money for recommending these titles to you. If you choose to buy a copy of any of these titles from Indigo by clicking from this post we do receive a small (pennies, actually) compensation.
School is back in session but if you’re like me, you resisted buying anything while officially still on summer break. I loathe to start back-to-school shopping too soon, and often find waiting until after school has started to be a better time to make well-thought out and needed purchases. Whether your little one is starting pre-school for the first time or heading off to university, we’ve got a list of need-to-haves and nice-to-haves.
Preschoolers and Kindies
Jump Kids World Pre School Animal Lunch Bag ($7). Lunch containers sold separately. Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
Lunch boxes just got sweeter with these School Mini Cookies by The Teeny Tiny Bakery (50/box, $70). Available at OneofaKindOnlineShop.com
Tera Gear “Doddle” Backpack ($20), variety of colours. Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
PC Stainless Steel Containers ($7-$9). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
Everyday Essentials Twist and Clip Insulated Lunch Bag ($6), variety of colours. Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
Heroes & Villains Notebooks ($10), available online only at http://www.potterybarnkids.com
This Mini Lazy Susan will keep all the desk accessories in one place ($29). Available at Pottery Barn Kids, http://www.potterybarnkids.com
Magnetic Bookmarks ($6-$15) from Craft’ed, http://www.craftedvan.com
Affordable and stylish fashions from The Children’s Place.
TOMS StandUp backpack ($60), variety of colours, and with every one purchased, TOMS will help stop bullying, one youth at a time. Available at Journeys.ca and www.Toms.ca
Solid Task Lighting are ideal for brightening up any homework space ($52). Available at Pottery Barn Kids, http://www.potterybarnkids.com
Getting organized and staying organized can be a challenge but the Espresso Daily System ($49) does the trick. Available at Pottery Barn Kids, http://www.potterybarnkids.com
Dry Erase Whiteboard Magnets ($11) from The Tulle Box, http://www.thetullebox.etsy.com
Storiebrooke Dipped Twig Pencils ($17.19) from Storiebrooke, http://www.storiebrook.etsy.com
Everyday Essentials 20 Shelf Hanging Shoe Organizer ($14). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
Everyday Essentials 5-Piece Bath Accessory Set ($10). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
Life at Home 7-Piece Bed in a Bag ($54). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
The SodaStream POWER turns ordinary water into sparkling ($179). Available at SodaStream.ca
PC Cupcake Display Try Set with Pop Out Display Tower ($20). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
PC Enameled Cast Iron Pot ($60). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
PC Textured Togo Mug ($10). Available at Real Canadian Superstore®.
For many parents back-to-school is the unofficial “new year” and like January, resolutions abound. I’ve heard a lot of them from “I will not over-cram the schedule this year!” and “I will not get so involved with their homework!” to “This is the year they we’re going to keep our paperwork organized!”.
Sound familiar? I’m sure you could add more to that list.
Here is mine.
I resolve to stay calm during the school storm. Lofty ambition, wouldn’t you say? It’s right up there with the promise to cut back on chocolate that I make every January. But this year, I hope to set myself up for success by doing the following:
- Delegate more.
Lunches are no longer my sole responsibility. If you eat it, you can pack it (or at the very least help). The boys’ school FINALLY has a hot lunch program and I signed them up for two meals per week and have ZERO guilt about this. Positive peer pressure has added more foods to my son’s lunch repertoire and that’s worth it for me!
- Scheduling family time.
Adding more to the schedule sounds a bit counter-intuitive to what it is that I am trying to achieve but between the five of us we’ve got a lot on the go, and spending time “just us” is important. So important that it deserves to be penned onto the calendar. Come Sunday night, I am planning.
- Scheduling me time.
Recently I had one of those much-needed dinner with girlfriends and we all said the same thing. Our kids are not so little that the need us every second of the day – it’s time we start living! Can the excuses (can’t get a babysitter, don’t have the extra money, I’m too tired, I’ve too much to do . . .) and start living! I resolve to model to my children that my activities count too. I’m a well-rounded person who knows more than just where his socks are (under the couch) and to be quite honest, I rarely say no to the boys, so why do I always say no to myself? I live in one of the greatest cities in the world and it’s time I start exploring it. Sans kids. Nathalie recently signed up for an adult drawing class. Bravo! You inspire me.
- Giving up on the should-dos.
The Mommy Marytr thing is overplayed. I retired my cape some years ago, but sometimes, when I have nothing to wear, I reach for it. Reading The Gifts of Imperfection, Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown should be required reading for any mother whose cape is ratty with wear. When that nagging, self-loathing voice whispers to me everything that I am not and should be, I am much better at telling it to STFU and do something that makes me happy.
all images (and so many more goodies) are from http://www.annetaintor.com